This is a more personal moment, but I'll go ahead and call it helping you be in the know about half marathons. I did my first this weekend and I would like to present my recap of it. You don't have to read it or like it, but if you've done it, you'll get it. (Did I punctuate that correctly?) Here it is:
Mile 1: This is awesome! Isn’t this awesome? I’m doing a half-marathon!
Mile 2: OMG, this is so cool, we’re even ahead of pace!
Mile 3: Nice, this was like a 5K. Only 10.1 miles left. That sounds like a lot.
Mile 4: Yea! Only 9 miles left! We can do this!
Mile 5: While on doubling back by the White Rock spillway. I think that kid started 30 minutes after us and he’s trying to catch up. I bet he tries to pass us. Ha!
Mile 6: This isn’t as fun as it was 4 miles ago. And this pink lemonade gummy things don’t taste like pink lemonade. They taste like pink crap.
Mile 7: Yea! We’re more than halfway there. Even if we quit right now, we’d still finish the half b/c we’re on the complete opposite side of the lake. Holy hell, I can see people finishing already. Damn overachievers.
Mile 8: Ugh, this hurts. I want to walk. Water stop, cool, I can walk through that and then run again. Running again hurts. That kid is passing us and I don’t care.
Mile 9: If this was a 15K, we’d be done, but it’s not, so we’re not done. Ugh, this is sooooo far. My goal now is to not to finish dead last in my age group.
Mile 10: Yea! We only have a 5K left, which wouldn’t be bad except we’ve already run 10 other miles, so this is kind of becoming a beating. Good news, I’m still ahead of the girl who chose to wear shorts with large bright pink horizontal stripes. Who wears those? Who buys those?
Mile 11: Whoever designed this course layout was mean. We’re running past the finish line for a mile, then turning around and running back. You would think that would be motivational, but after 11 miles, it’s a beating.
Mile 12: Where the hell is mile 12? Oh good, there it is. Wait, why isn’t that the turnaround. We have to run past the mile 12 mark for another 200 yards and then turn around the cone. Stupid cone.
Mile 13: I hurt. Not my legs, not my knees, not my calves, not my ankles. My entire freaking body. Somebody just drag me across the finish line.
The Last .1: Whoever designed this course is clearly Satan or his spawn. We’re finishing up a hill? UP A HILL! #%$&^@!
Afterward: That was so fun. I’m totally thinking of doing the 4 Seasons half marathon challenge. Who wants to join me?
